The Longest Two Weeks of My Life

Have you ever noticed that when you are waiting for something, time slows down like someone hitting the water in a belly flop? It's just as painful to wait as it is to hit the water too.  I would take the few minutes of red, burning skin and wind knocked out of me if this next two weeks would fly by a little faster.  I am getting married a week from Saturday, and I'm telling you the clocks have physically slowed down and they are laughing in my face as they do it.  Earlier today someone left one minute and 59 seconds on the microwave.  I walked into the kitchen and my heart gave a leap.

 "It's already two o'clock!" I gasped, so relieved that time was speeding up today.  My roommate, Vanessa, looked over at the clock.

 "I guess so!"

I ran to go take a shower and get myself clean and ready, because I was getting bridals done at 6:30.  It was only after I got out of the shower and looked at my phone that I realized what time it was.  I read, "12:57."  Crap.  It was all a lie.  It has always been a peeve of mine when people leave time on the microwave.  I felt so cheated.  When I came back into the living room Vanessa said, "Hey it's actually only 1:00.  I looked back at the clock and wondered why it had been 1:59 for the past ten minutes!"  My fiance is always trying to convince me that inanimate objects can't be 'out to get me' because they are only objects and have no minds of their own.  This mean trick from the microwave does not have me convinced though.  Do you see what such slow time is doing to my brain?  I am imagining microwaves being purposely malicious.  Once the wedding is over and time speeds up again maybe objects won't be out to get me anymore... maybe.

Prayers

Not everyone believes in prayer  Not everyone who believes in prayer has the same belief about it either.  Some people think that God hears your prayers.  Some think that prayer is strictly traditional.  Think of all the different ways people pray.  Sometimes they are memorized prayers, but other times they are less structured.  Personally, I believe that God not only hears every prayer but he also answers them.  For at least the last two or three weeks I have been agonizing over something that would possibly lead to the loss of a friendship.  Because of how I am, I can not simply act on anger or hurt without thinking it through first to make sure I am doing the right thing.  However, in my case this time, the more I thought about my dilemma, the more confused and hurt I became.  I was soon to a point of feeling incredibly tied up and could  not come to any right decision.  There was only one thing left I could think of to do to fix the pain inside of me that was getting worse by the day.  That night when I got on my knees to pray to my God I poured out my heart to him.  I explained that I was feeling a lot of pain and could no longer control it.  I told Him about how helpless I felt in my situation.  I told him that this could potentially make my wedding day less special than it should be, and I wanted to be absolutely, ridiculously happy on that day.  I explained how much weight I felt pressing on me.  Finally, I asked if He could take my burden away.  I do not do this very often.  I feel like trials make you stronger and can lead to happiness, but this one was too much for me at this time.  He knew it too, because the next morning when I woke up I felt utterly weightless.  I was relaxed and happy.  I literally felt like two big hands had previously been squeezing my lungs and overnight had disappeared.  To some people that small thing would not convince them that God is real and cares deeply about them, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that God loves me and still performs miracles for us when we need it.  He cares about tiny problems just as much as big ones.  You do not need to wait until you are in deep problems to pray to your God.  He will listen to even the smallest query if it means a lot to you.  No one else knows your heart better than He does, so he will always do what is best for you.  This week I experienced a tiny miracle that made me feel such powerful love from God.  If no one else in the world loves me, I know my God still will.

So You Think You're Poor, Huh?

I often hear the phrase, "I am a poor, college student," while I am on campus (or for that matter, even off campus).  Then that same person pulls out their new ipad or iphone for class.  Am I wrong for raising my eyebrows at this?  There are people in other countries living off $2 a day on average, or less.  Not that you have to be to that point in order to be poor.  I have felt poor before, but that's because I had $20 left in my account and about three weeks left in the semester with no job.  I felt justified in saying I was poor at that time.  I even feel justified in saying I'll be poor at least for the first few years of being married, because it's very likely my husband and I both will be working two jobs and need financial aid in order to support us through school.  I feel rich at the same time though, because there are things that are more like treasure than money.  Marrying the love of my life will make me feel richer.  Having a wonderful family and in-laws will make me feel richer.  Sitting down to dinner with my husband-- even in our very busy lives-- every day will make me feel happy, and rich.

I certainly feel irritated though when a kid who has their college tuition paid for, has a decent car, has an ipad or iphone, has a sturdy roof over their head, and still has money left over to buy a bunch of frozen dinners and fast food on a daily basis is complaining about being poor.  How about just saying, "I sure am grateful for all that I have."  It really isn't hard.  Try telling people who stand on a corner or dig through trash for food that you are poor. That would be a laugh!

Cheering Yourself Up

Have you ever noticed that almost every joke we tell involves making fun of someone, someone getting hurt really bad, or even someone dying?  If most of these things were to happen to us in real life or to a person close to us it wouldn't be even a little funny.  It would probably make us feel angry, hurt, or possibly bring us to tears.  And yet, we manage to take the most horrible things and make them funny.  Here is a blonde joke as an example: 

How do you kill a blonde?

You put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.

Horrible right? No! It's actually kind of hilarious.  So I figured why not use this theory on real life?  I have been feeling extremely conflicted about a situation that has come up in my life and for the life of me could not find anything about it funny.  Then at the same time as thinking about my conflict, a random thought popped into my head that was absolutely hilarious.  I laughed out loud as I was walking up to my apartment.  It was the weirdest thing I have felt in my entire life.  Complete despair evenly mixed with insane hilarity.  I think I stopped breathing for a minute because of it.  I decided then that that is how some people can be so optimistic all the time.  When they are bummed about something they twist it so it doesn't sound as bad as it is.  If they twist it enough or see it with a different perspective I'll bet they could even find a horrible situation funny.  Maybe this thing I'm struggling with will not be as bad as I thought.  Who knows, it might turn out worse than I thought, but when it's over I can find something else to laugh about later to cheer me up.

Freedom

What exactly is freedom? Everyone seems to have a different idea of what it is.  Some people think it is being able to do whatever you want, whenever you want.  "I do what I want!"  It's the ability to have protection over your own property.  It's the right to say what you think and feel without being arrested for it. It's the safety of practicing whatever religion you want to.  The list goes on.  Today I had a thought though, when a friend of mine was sued for something he is innocent of.  The story was greatly exaggerated in order to make it sound like a problem in the first place.  This is the second time these people have sued him for the same thing.  He is a college student who is working and going to school.  He is not made of money.  He is getting married later this month though, and faces a $10,000 charge for something he is not guilty of.  But hey!  The guy who is suing him has every right to sue my friend, yes?  Who cares that he is a chiropractor with plenty of income.  He has the freedom to sue an innocent college student for the cost of living probably for over a year.

And this is what got me thinking about what really gives someone freedom, and that is responsibility.  If people would simply take blame when they were in the wrong and deal with problems accordingly, they would truly be free.  Sure, we have rights surrounding our property, but we often hear about vandalizing or destruction of each others property.  We sure as heck are allowed to say what we are thinking and feeling without being arrested, but people are attacked for expressing themselves.  We can practice the religion of our choice, but people persecute each other for having different beliefs.  Is that true freedom?  I don't think so.  People need to be responsible.  They have to think more about the consequences of their actions.  They have to realize that freedoms are a privilege, not something everyone is entitled to.  If everyone in the world simply took responsibility, there would be so many less problems in it.

Irony

I clean a walk-in clinic after it closes during the week.  I have a routine down to make sure I don't forget anything and get it done quickly.  Last night I wasn't feeling all that great, and I wasn't happy to be cleaning.  Don't get me wrong, I love the job.  I can go to work in my pajamas if I wanted.  I listen to music, and if I need to I can answer my phone.  I don't have to deal with cranky customers.  When I was getting near the end of my routine last night a song from the movie "Enchanted" came on.  It's the one called "Happy Working Song" that Giselle sings while she cleans her rescuer's apartment.  I started imagining myself cleaning Giselle-style.  If only I could just sing and have rats, birds, and bugs come do my work for me.  Perhaps, it would be slightly creepy, but pretty awesome at the same time.

Fish That Nibble Your Toes

This weekend I went to a river with a group of friends to go swimming.  It's nearly into the 90's everyday now, so we are practically melting.  The water wasn't even very cold, considering it was a river.  Hundreds of little fish infest it.  You can see them swimming around in the shallow water at the bank.  Kalyn and I had been there the day before, so we showed our friends that if you stand still for a minute about thigh-deep in the water, the fish come start nibbling at your feet.  It tickles a little bit and feels pretty strange when you aren't used to it, but they are harmless.  My friend, Meesh, made a noise between a squeal and a screech when they came up to her, because it took her by surprise.  She ended up sitting in the water for a long time, though, letting them nibble away. I think they fascinated her.  Me and Kalyn will probably go there almost every day now that it's hot.  I love the sound of the water.  I have to work on skipping rocks anyways.  It's not a skill I have mastered yet.