I suppose that when it comes down to it, it isn't up to me when I go into labor. These are some of the ways that being pregnant has prepared me for motherhood:
1. I have been pregnant for what feels like so long that I don't feel any fear of labor pains, because I want him to be on my outside and not my inside so badly now.
2. I have learned that sometimes I just don't have the energy to do the dishes, hang up the laundry, clean/dust/vacuum the entire apartment, organize the cupboards, and dust. In fact a lot of times I don't have energy to do one or two of those things, and that's okay. My husband doesn't think I am a horrible wife if I don't have dinner cooked and fresh out of the oven every time he gets home from work. He understands that I am exhausted. I imagine I will have similar feelings of guilt at not getting everything done when I am taking care of a new baby, who will demand most of my time and energy.
3. I've learned that I cannot fix every character flaw of mine and become the future "perfect" mother in the last nine months, and I probably never will be a perfect mother, but with a lot of help from other mothers, my husband, and especially God, I can be the best mother that I can be.
4. It's okay to cry. When I was growing up I rarely cried. With pure will-power I could keep tears from flowing at any time or place. Then I went to college and something snapped in me that made tears a lot harder to hold back. I've had a lot of practice just letting the dam break since becoming pregnant. I had already become more sensitive, but hormones sure do help it become slightly more public than I would like. I have found that crying actually makes me feel a lot better though. If I let it out it's like the stress is literally flowing out of me. Then I wipe my "stress" onto a tissue and throw it away.
5. Let's address body image for a second. I know I have been really lucky. I have had very little swelling, most of my weight gain has been in the belly where baby is living, and I really have not been very sick since my first trimester. However, my body has definitely changed. I have spent much of the last several years as an athlete. I'm used to having a lean, thin, and overall pretty muscular body. It's been really tough dealing with how weak I feel all the time. I hate the ugly stretch marks I have been rubbing lotion all over every day so they will fade faster. I hate how my buns and thighs get that "cottage cheese" look when I am in certain positions because my muscle has gone all soft and squishy. I really hate how my skin has erupted in blemishes too. I definitely remember my skin getting much less zitty when the weather warms up and the sun comes out in past years. Not this time.
However, I can get past all of these things because I am successfully carrying my son. I love him with all of my heart even though I have never even laid eyes on his face. Whenever I feel him move I am filled with joy, because he is alive and one little jab closer to delivery day. Besides, when he is in my arms I will be jabbing him back all the time. I don't know how I'll be able to stop touching his tiny hands and feet or stroking his cheeks when he's born! Let's just say, I am about to be the happiest woman in the world.
