Mushy (Future) Mommy Stuff

I am so excited to have this little guy out of my womb and into my arms.  I spend a lot of time daydreaming about being able to bend over again, buckle my own sandals, lay on my tummy, take a nap and wake up energized (at least for a little while), take my sweet baby on walks, and many more things.  Don't get me wrong, I know babies are a lot of hard work too.  I do foresee many house chores being left undone for a little too long, interrupted sleep patterns, lugging around a bag stuffed full of things Baby needs, my body doing really weird (and disgusting) things, and more to go along with it.  I feel sure that if I have a sense of humor about all the gross things though, I'll be okay.  I am 38 weeks and 4 days along right now.  I'm starting to get those comments from people that go something like, "You're still here?"  All i can say is, "Tell me about it!"  I wouldn't mind finishing out this week at work though.  My supervisor finally caught up to me in my hiding spot at work and put me into enrollments training (I work at a call center).  I need to spend ten hours training before I can be let out of the practice zone (we call it "the nest") and am able to sit back with my team again.  It would be nice to finish training.  I don't want to start over again!  

I suppose that when it comes down to it, it isn't up to me when I go into labor.  These are some of the ways that being pregnant has prepared me for motherhood:

1. I have been pregnant for what feels like so long that I don't feel any fear of labor pains, because I want him to be on my outside and not my inside so badly now.

2. I have learned that sometimes I just don't have the energy to do the dishes, hang up the laundry, clean/dust/vacuum the entire apartment, organize the cupboards, and dust.  In fact a lot of times I don't have energy to do one or two of those things, and that's okay.  My husband doesn't think I am a horrible wife if I don't have dinner cooked and fresh out of the oven every time he gets home from work. He understands that I am exhausted. I imagine I will have similar feelings of guilt at not getting everything done when I am taking care of a new baby, who will demand most of my time and energy.

3.  I've learned that I cannot fix every character flaw of mine and become the future "perfect" mother in the last nine months, and I probably never will be a perfect mother, but with a lot of help from other mothers, my husband, and especially God, I can be the best mother that I can be.  

4. It's okay to cry.  When I was growing up I rarely cried.  With pure will-power I could keep tears from flowing at any time or place.  Then I went to college and something snapped in me that made tears a lot harder to hold back.  I've had a lot of practice just letting the dam break since becoming pregnant.  I had already become more sensitive, but hormones sure do help it become slightly more public than I would like.  I have found that crying actually makes me feel a lot better though.  If I let it out it's like the stress is literally flowing out of me.  Then I wipe my "stress" onto a tissue and throw it away.

5. Let's address body image for a second.  I know I have been really lucky.  I have had very little swelling, most of my weight gain has been in the belly where baby is living, and I really have not been very sick since my first trimester.  However, my body has definitely changed.  I have spent much of the last several years as an athlete.  I'm used to having a lean, thin, and overall pretty muscular body.  It's been really tough dealing with how weak I feel all the time.  I hate the ugly stretch marks I have been rubbing lotion all over every day so they will fade faster.  I hate how my buns and thighs get that "cottage cheese" look when I am in certain positions because my muscle has gone all soft and squishy.  I really hate how my skin has erupted in blemishes too. I definitely remember my skin getting much less zitty when the weather warms up and the sun comes out in past years.  Not this time.  

However, I can get past all of these things because I am successfully carrying my son.  I love him with all of my heart even though I have never even laid eyes on his face.  Whenever I feel him move I am filled with joy, because he is alive and one little jab closer to delivery day.  Besides, when he is in my arms I will be jabbing him back all the time.  I don't know how I'll be able to stop touching his tiny hands and feet or stroking his cheeks when he's born!  Let's just say, I am about to be the happiest woman in the world.